n383e 8943t f3iis 9thhh dttta z5zzy aah94 n73ez fkks2 5seb3 rfh93 hyt7e b8fi7 835z6 r5f4i 6t49z sr54n t99a6 eb4kn 2hbs6 772bz Wes. |

Wes.

2021.12.08 01:28 SoThereIwas-NoShit Wes.

This story has been floating around in my head for about two years or so, banging around sometimes, usually snoring in the corners, maybe near the backs of my eyeballs or wherever these things hide. It isn't really a story, just a series of things connected to each other, but I think it needs out. So, sorry. This isn't happy and it ends terribly, and unexpectedly, and doesn't make any sense.
I started posting here when this sub-reddit became a thing, back in 2015, I think. I had all of these experiences that were driving me crazy, literally, and all of a sudden there was an outlet. An anonymous place to tell these stories that were fucked up and hilarious and even though I'd lived them they didn't even seem real when I read what I'd wrote, but they had to be real, right? Because I'd wrote them, I'd been there.
Writing here has been one of the most difficult things I've ever done, not because sharing these experiences is necessarily difficult, but because I have to tell the truth of it. When this sub began I messaged the Mod about possibly including fiction based in reality, because it was going to be hard to actually tell the truth, and maybe, at the time, I didn't want to have to tell the truth. The Mod said "No.", and I began a series about my first experience in combat, way back in March of 2003, in a town called As Samawah.
Have you ever scraped the meat out of a coconut with a spoon? That was what writing about Samawah was like. My mind was the nut and the keyboard was my spoon. Things for me had been progressively getting worse for the last five years after my Afghan deployment. I was not okay. As Samawah was only the beginning. It was a Thing I'd been trying to somehow unload or understand or puke out for years, and Afghanistan had added so much more to this thing I'd thought of as a weight or a ball of disease, or, I don't even know what to call it. It doesn't matter, though, it is what it is.
Back in 2015 I was driving fuel trucks, bobtails. I specifically remember one morning, firing the truck up and doing my walk-around and sitting in the cab filling out my pre-trip paperwork and the truck idling and the buzzer whining 'low air' while the compressors compressed, and I completely blanked out. I was in Afghanistan, just staring out of the glass for I don't know how long, my pen and paper work on my lap, a thing I call an overlay, while I knew I was parked in the truck in the yard. It felt like being in two places at once. I was in two places at once.
Maybe a year or so before that I'd gone to the VetCenter, because I didn't know what else to do.
I'd gone there the first time in early 2005, after I'd gotten out of the army for the first time, and had talked to a counselor who was an older woman. All of the guys in the waiting room had been old, Vietnam vet's, probably. She gave me a pamphlet about Vietnam stuff, I don't really remember what all we talked about. I was probably drunk when I went there. I just remember feeling like all I wanted was out of her office and out of that session. No stress on her, she was trying, and the VetCenter is a great resource, but they were not equipped to handle our new war, at that time. I didn't go back for nine years, and only then because I felt like I was losing my mind, and successfully destroying a ten year relationship with a wonderful woman, and not sure how much longer I would be alive.
In 2014 I was not well, and found myself at the VetCenter for the second time. I did not want to be there, but the only other options that I thought were viable at the time, were alcohol and suck starting a pistol. That was when I met Wes. And now that I think about it, maybe I met Wesley a year or two earlier than that, because I was riding my road bike to the office, so it must have been around the time that I finally got myself a DUI. But 2014 is a good enough time to introduce Wes.
I did not, did fucking not, want to be in the waiting room of the Center For Crazy People, until my turn came and I met him. We went into his office and I was feeling just all wrapped around my own axle, I don't know how else to put it.
Wes was a tall dude, I'm six foot, and had an easy demeanor. He was athletic, in that skinny tall guy way, with an adams apple that sticks way out, lanky, strong handshake without being overt about it, with big hands. Kind of reminded me of one of my brothers. God damn, I don't remember what we talked about that first session. I remember walking into his office and feeling like maybe I was going to get some weird psycho-surgery or something, just all nerves, and then seeing the pictures of him on the wall in uniform in Iraq, around the Surge-time, and a civilian picture of him with his wife, and and realizing he was somebody I could talk to. He'd been enlisted, and on a Combat Stress Team in Iraq. I cried during that first session with him. I think the last time I had cried had maybe been in Iraq, or when my dad died in 1992. I wasn't fucking crazy. I saw him semi-regularly, and then I felt like I was getting a handle on things.
In 2015 I started my stories about As Samawah and everything came flooding back. I'd be shaking and cussing, remembering things, but every night after work for like two weeks, I'd sit down with beers and smokes and just pull all of the shit from underneath me and try to lay it out, get it out, and it hurt, but it seemed good. I did go back to the VetCenter and talked to him about it, and he seemed to think it was a good idea, too.
One day, a few months later, while I was at work, a National Guard convoy came to fuel at our yard, and I don't know what happened. My body went into full reaction mode, just shaking and my adrenaline went sky high and my brain just washed itself in all of the drugs that a brain can dump. I went behind the warehouse and just squatted fighting back tears and hyper-ventilating and shaking and rocking and nothing was getting better. It was all just getting worse with every straining breath, and I felt like I was just about to explode like a little meat-bomb. I left the yard and jumped in my toyota, I could barely get the key in the ignition, and drove across town to the VetCenter, shaking and cussing and barely able to see. I shouldn't have been driving like that, but I didn't know what else to do or where else to go.
When I got to the office I asked if Wes was there, I think I probably croaked it, I probably looked like a hot fucking mess, just hoping that he was. They told me to wait a minute, just have a seat. After a few eternal minutes he came out and invited me into his office and asked if I wanted the lights on or off. "Off", I said. He told me to just breathe, and I started laughing, because that's what I told my guys to do, in Afghanistan, when shit was fucked and I felt just fine, and I told him that. I don't know how long I was in his office, and after he helped me down from the high I was riding, we talked about how I'd gotten there and how stress reactions manifest physically and...all of that stuff.
I went home, that afternoon, and my roommates were gone. At home alone, with all of the lights turned off, I just laid myself on the floor with as much silence as I could have, and even then I was so on edge and tuned up that the smallest sounds were explosions and thozm's bursting in my brain. For hours I lay flat on the floor or curled in a ball, with my cat, too. The ripples from that lasted for weeks, but eventually tailed off, and eventually I forgot about it, just like everything else.
In february of 2020 a friend reached out to me about standing up a Veterans for Peace chapter in our town. We had a few meetings before the pandemic shut everything down. We had about six people. Ron was the one who'd initiated the meetings, he was an '80's vet, Jim from Desert Storm, and a couple of GWOT guys. We were pretty well focused on discussing the nature of our chapter and kept mostly to business, but there was also a fair amount of side bullshitting going on, talking about our own stuff and whatnot, and I mentioned Wes. Zack, another GWOT dude, looked at me and said, "Wes Stocksey?"
"Yeah! You know him?"
"Uhh...We went to school together. Sorry, you didn't know?" He made a finger gun and put it to his head. "He's dead, dude. Sorry."
"Fuck, seriously?"
"Yeah."
It was such a fucked up way to find out, and such a military explanation. Just raw, and real. No bullshit.
"When?"
"A couple of years ago. Sorry."
"Fuck."
Wes gave me a book, during one of our first sessions. The Yellow Birds. I've never read it. I started it, but I just couldn't read it. I just can't, but I'm glad I have something he gave me. He killed himself in 2017. I wish I could have been there for him the way he was for me. How does that make any sense? He helped so many people, and ended up blowing his fucking brains out, and I'm not too sure that it was worth it for him. Who was there for him? Why did he leave a wife and two children with a bullet sized hole in their lives? I know that a large part of the reason I'm still alive is because of him, and I also feel like I'm partially responsible.
What a crazy world.
submitted by SoThereIwas-NoShit to MilitaryStories [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 LargePurpleShoe Togetsukyo Bridge Over the Katsura River That Separates Sagano and Arashiyama in Kyoto, Japan

Togetsukyo Bridge Over the Katsura River That Separates Sagano and Arashiyama in Kyoto, Japan submitted by LargePurpleShoe to pics [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Matt_McT Jared Harper wins it for Birmingham Squadron!

Jared Harper wins it for Birmingham Squadron! submitted by Matt_McT to wde [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 red_4 Newman is a Costanza!

Check out Wayne Knight's heritage. https://ethnicelebs.com/wayne-knight
His grandmother is Gabriela de Costanza.
submitted by red_4 to seinfeld [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 CoinTigerEX XTR Will be Available on CoinTiger on 9 December.

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2021.12.08 01:28 quantumconfusion Wow, I wonder why they've put us in lockdown, forced us to get the jab, limited our freedoms ... simply cannot figure it out ...

Wow, I wonder why they've put us in lockdown, forced us to get the jab, limited our freedoms ... simply cannot figure it out ... submitted by quantumconfusion to SanitySouthAfrica [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Barack_and_Cheese83 you're next, Strawberry Crepe...

you're next, Strawberry Crepe... submitted by Barack_and_Cheese83 to CookieRunKingdoms [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Shitstain-Pork JWs are like the reverse Amish because they're fine with moustaches but heavily discourage beards kind of like how the Amish have long beards but no moustaches

Just sayin'
submitted by Shitstain-Pork to exjw [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Far-Wafer-6495 How long does KDP take to "process" files?

About 12 hours ago I tried to upload my first 20k word e-book on Amazon KDP. I filled in my info, then got to the page where I upload the manuscript (epub) and cover photo (jpg). They both say "Uploaded successfully! Processing your file..." And have been stuck like that for 12 hours. I've tried different browsers, refreshing, starting over, leaving it to run for hours, and it isn't done processing yet.
Is this normal? Do I need to do something differently or do I just need to be patient?
Thanks in advance. I'm feeling pretty frustrated that I finally decided to publish this and now it's not even processing.
submitted by Far-Wafer-6495 to selfpublish [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Odin_In_AZ Officially diagnosed with ASD today at 29 years old

29yo male here. It has been a journey of self-discovery for me over the last few months.. Never thought I would receive a diagnosis, though. My wife finally got me to see a therapist (long, long overdue) and he referred me to a specialist for official evaluation after our first session.
Just got sat down to go over the results of the eval with the psychologist earlier this afternoon. I was obsessively worrying that she would misdiagnose me.. During the meeting, she told me it was never in question, and would have diagnosed me halfway through if she could have.
Officially diagnosed with: F84.0 Autism Spectrum Disorder with Asperger's Features F40.10 Social Anxiety Disorder F32.9 Depressive Disorder
I feel like I finally understand myself and my life leading up to this point. It finally feels like it's all been put into perspective.. I'm still processing all of this, and probably will be for a while. I told me siblings (younger bro and sis), who have always been there for me, and they were amazing (as expected). Don't know when I'll tell my parents, or how, or even if... They're the type who I'm not even sure acknowledge that psychology is a field of study or that therapy is a real profession... Any advice from you guys there? I already don't have a great relationship with them. They would say we do, but I mask like fucking crazy around them, so the truth is no.
Anyway, I just wanted to give a huge shoutout to this sub and community.. Thank you for making me feel welcome while I waited, and for giving me a new home.
submitted by Odin_In_AZ to autism [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 neverhat YA book about an orphaned Native American(?) girl that was raised by a good-witch/medicine woman; the girl protects a pack of wolves from hunters with her magic.

I read this book sometime in 1994-95, and the clearest thing I remember was that the shamaness/medicine woman sat the orphaned baby/toddler at a table and began singing a magical song that would last a full two years that would make the baby age quickly, all the while cooking food to feed the rapidly growing girl, who does nothing but sit at that table and eat for two years. After the song is over she's roughly a teenager and has or develops her own magic. There's a pack of wolves she loves and protects and a group of hunters, with a leader who learns how to counteract her magic and may have even killed her (not sure at all, maybe just wounded her).
submitted by neverhat to whatsthatbook [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Correct-Park6089 Obligatory first ber rune post!

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2021.12.08 01:28 sssingularityyy How would you complete this sentence: "I hope one day I..."?

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2021.12.08 01:28 TheContactUFO GrandpaPunks 4.444 + Bonus Punks

GrandpaPunks 4.444 + Bonus Punks submitted by TheContactUFO to opensea [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 n8n10e Just got the call to join the Local 36 Union in St. Louis after a 4 year wait. What should I know going into this?

Hi all. I'm on my way to being a 3rd generation Sheet Metal Laborer, but I never really knew what my dad and Grandpa did. My dad was a foreman the last 15 years or so and he doesn't really remember his apprenticeship too much and my grandpa died 7 years ago. What should I know going into this career and what should I start learning now? I'd like to get a jump start on this and make a good impression on the contractor. Any advice is also welcome.
submitted by n8n10e to sheetmetal [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 GayZonee where does the allah meme originate from?

the allah meme where wubby almost sounds like hes moaning? i fucking love it.
submitted by GayZonee to PaymoneyWubby [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 APKMirrorBOT Netflix 8.11.0 build 7 40095 beta by Netflix, Inc.

Netflix 8.11.0 build 7 40095 beta by Netflix, Inc. submitted by APKMirrorBOT to APKMirror [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Itz_Totally_Not_Me I wouldn’t mind if you cheered me on, okay?

I wouldn’t mind if you cheered me on, okay? submitted by Itz_Totally_Not_Me to Nisekoi [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 mab2002 school /neg

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2021.12.08 01:28 GILLESPEEPEE CSE 12 Gillespie Final

Guna take the CSE12 Final this Wednesday with Gillespie. Any tips? I've done all of the past finals, but I still don't feel ready. Is there anything extra I can do to prepare for it? I need a perfect score on the final for an A because I messed up on some PAs. What measures can I take to prevent making careless mistakes?
submitted by GILLESPEEPEE to UCSD [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Hefty-Leg4131 🔥 Stealth Launch 5: 30 AM UTC Everyday 🔥Don't Miss Out!! 🚀

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submitted by Hefty-Leg4131 to CryptocurrencyDEFI [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 SBtist Paul McCartney listening to a track in the studio, 1981

Paul McCartney listening to a track in the studio, 1981 submitted by SBtist to OldSchoolCoolMusic [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Neomalice Apartment wants to spray for pests for the 4th time since August. Any way out?

Title. Each time we are forced to remove everything from the kitchen, bathrooms, and make sure furniture is 3 feet from the wall among other things. We had roaches back in August when we first got sprayed but we have to problems now. We put out traps just in case since then and I'm assuming it helped. After the first 2 sprays we were forced to be sprayed a 3rd time and now a 4th.
It is ridiculously inconvenient as we have a 1 year old and I work odd hours so it's different to pack everything up and then unpack it.
As a tenant am I allowed to refuse spraying at all? If this is the 4th time in 4 months then obviously it is ineffective for whatever apartment has an issue
submitted by Neomalice to fresno [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 bruceleegimmick MEME

MEME submitted by bruceleegimmick to gayspiderbrothel [link] [comments]


2021.12.08 01:28 Rambotrip Holiday watch sale!

Holiday watch sale! submitted by Rambotrip to ChineseWatches [link] [comments]


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